my martial arts journey: Where am I at in my practice and coaching
Beyond the Mat: A Coach's Reflections and Evolution
It's a truth I've wrestled with over time: People approach us as ‘coaches’, carrying the weight of their expectations. They sketch narratives for us, placing us within their carefully drawn lines. Stray, and the dissonance can be too much for them. Yet, they often forget that their own evolution, their metamorphosis on the mat, was nurtured through the guidance they once sought from us, their ‘coach’.
The Challenge of Growth: Stepping Beyond Boundaries
The irony isn’t lost on me. As a coach, I am expected to be the custodian of change. Yet, the very change in myself is met with resistance. “How dare you not stay consistent with the image I've crafted of you? How dare you evolve?” Such are the silent accusations thrown my way.
In the martial arts cosmos, many wish for me to remain static. “Be the beacon of combat expertise,” they say, “Impart only what I seek from you,” without considering how their demands resonate with me both as a mentor and, more essentially, as an individual. But I have always honoured the sanctity of personal journeys. Despite my convictions, I've held space for every student, enabling them to carve their own path. To me, martial arts isn't just about imparting techniques; it's about guiding souls.
The Tumultuous Evolution of a Martial Artist
My martial journey has been far from linear. It began as a quest for self-preservation, out of a palpable fear. Then, influenced by my students and an inner yearning, I delved into the world of combat sports. But introspection has been a loyal companion. Nothing, however, sharpens introspection like confronting one's mortality. Health complications forced me to confront the toll taken on my body and spirit. Though outwardly, I might appear invincible, especially in the pixelated reality of social media, inwardly, battles rage on.
And one of the fiercest battles has been my stance on competition, particularly when it involves the young and impressionable. With the scars of my own journey, both visible and veiled, I find it challenging to condone young souls entering a realm I know is fraught with peril. My own dalliance with combat sports was more obligation than choice. Despite my successes, my heart never truly danced in the ring. Perhaps it was my inherent non-competitive nature or perhaps a premonition of the toll it would exact.
Years of pushing my body, especially my brain, to its limits have exacted a price. Once feeling invincible, I now grapple with debilitating physical and emotional consequences. Depression, once mistaken as a personal failing, revealed itself to be a shadow of my past choices. The ramifications have been life-altering - from the dissolution of a long-standing marriage to geographical and emotional displacements.
Ultimately, tangible alterations have emerged within the intricate wiring of my brain, coupled with profound degeneration in my cervical spine, a condition seemingly beyond the realm of restoration. Each day presents its own challenges, with certain days weighing heavier than others. I find myself ensnared in a relentless internal tug-of-war, grappling with piercing headaches, pervasive fatigue, ceaseless neck spasms, and elusive memory. At times, articulating thoughts becomes a Herculean task as I fumble to string together the right words. This very struggle has nudged me towards the written word, a medium I now find more comforting and articulate.
Finding My North Star: The Refocus
My experiences have catalysed a reorientation in my martial arts ethos. I've grown vocal about 'self-preservation training.' It allows me to bypass the modern martial arts paradigm, which I believe is a ticking time bomb for many.
And here I stand, at this juncture in my martial journey, both as a practitioner and a coach...
Walking Between Forgotten Worlds
In those rare moments arising from the quiet corners of my mind, a persistent question for months has often tugged at me: What unfolds when you braid the threads of primal self-preservation with nature's vast intelligence and anchor them with the profundity of indigenous ways of knowing and being? This question has been my muse, the north star in my personal exploration over the past couple of years. I yearn for a more primal, natural, untamed experience of my martial arts practice.
As I delve deeper into this confluence, I believe I have begun to unearth treasures that have profound implications for human flourishing, especially in a modern world that threatens to erode our mental and spiritual well-being.
My Dance with Primal Instincts
We all possess that innate, visceral feeling - the surge of adrenaline when something doesn't feel quite right or the inexplicable pull towards certain paths and choices. It's as if the whispers of our ancient forebears still echo in our DNA, guiding our steps and decisions. In my own life and as a martial artist for over four decades, I have increasingly come to trust these instincts, letting them guide me when modernity's noise becomes deafening.
Yet, and as I have come to realise, primal instincts alone are not enough. Just learning to fight will not steer you to the path of true personal liberation from one's fears and insecurities. To truly understand and harness the power of this primal energy, I began to seek wisdom from the world around me - the grandeur of nature.
Lessons from Nature's Tapestry
Nature was my first mentor. I cherish few memories from my traumatic childhood, but one that I do hold with fondness is the time I spent on my aunt's small farm. Not only did it offer me a respite from the violent, saturated streets of my neighbourhood, but it enlivened my authentic spirit. I was ‘free’ if only for the school holidays.
The truth is, before the hum of cities and the glow of screens, the human animal had an unspoken pact with the environment. The wind, the sun, the rustling leaves—all these were rich texts filled with teachings. Think back to our Earth ancestors, the hunters past, emerging with the first of ‘martial arts’ practices, keeping themselves alive and protecting the Tribe.
In recent years, as I've nestled into the serene landscapes of the Isle of Man, many of my most profound epiphanies have crystallised during hushed dialogues with the very land beneath my feet. These moments whisper a profound truth, urging me to recognise that our role isn’t one of dominance but of guardianship. We're not the monarchs of this world but its caretakers, bound by a responsibility that is both ancient and urgent.
Martial Arts, whether we consciously acknowledge its origins or choose to remain oblivious, sprouted from the very bosom of Mother Earth. It wasn’t a mere creation of human ingenuity but rather a profound response to our primal need to exist, coexist, and thrive. At its core, nature has always been the grandmaster, the first sensei, of what we now label as 'martial arts practices'.
The dynamism of a falcon's dive, the impeccable precision of a mantis' strike, the fluidity of a snake’s movement, the evasive agility of fish in water — these natural wonders became our earliest inspirations. We watched, captivated, as lions strategized their hunts, embodying both power and patience. We observed the finesse of the antelope, its graceful adaptability in the face of looming threats. The resilient bamboo, bending but never breaking, taught us the virtue of flexibility, while the steadfast mountain became a symbol of our unyielding spirit.
Nature’s tapestry, rich with lessons of strategy, defence, adaptability, and strength, was our first dojo. And as martial artists, we owe it to ourselves and to the generations that follow to remember, honour, and cherish these roots, drawing not just techniques but wisdom from the world around us.
Yet, there was another piece to my puzzle. An element that I felt was key to unlocking a deeper understanding of self, my place on earth and as a primal artist: the wisdom of our Earth ancestors.
Embracing Indigenous Epiphanies
Indigenous cultures, throughout time and to this day, with their ageless wisdom, have been the bridge between my primal instincts and my understanding of nature. Their stories, practices, and philosophies became a mirror, reflecting a world where everything is interconnected. As I sat with the words of elders and immersed myself in their narratives, I was reminded of the deeper truths that are often obscured by the pace of our modern lives.
My Method: Melding the Ancient and the Immediate
My journey has been both intuitive and intentional. By observing, immersing, reflecting, and then translating those reflections into daily practices, I've sought to marry the age-old with the immediate. And as I've integrated these learnings, the outcomes have been both profound and transformative.
Drawing from these wellsprings of knowledge, my mental fortitude has been fortified. I've found resilience in times of despair and clarity amidst chaos. More so, I've come to see well-being not as an individual endeavour but as a collective, symbiotic dance. My health, happiness, and peace are deeply intertwined with the well-being of the world around me.
This synthesis of primal (i.e., martial arts practice), natural, and wisdom from our Earth ancestors has also grounded me in authenticity. In a modern world increasingly chasing mirages, I've found solace in the timeless, the genuine.
In this journey, I've come to understand that this blend of primal skills and the wisdom of our Earth ancestors is not a step back into the past but a stride forward into a more connected, harmonious future. It offers us tools not just for survival but for deep, resonant flourishing.
Through the lens of my exploration, I invite you to also seek. To question. To reconnect. For when we, as individuals, rediscover and embrace these ancient pathways, we not only illuminate our own lives but cast a light that could guide our collective journey towards true well-being.